The horse with a bug bite
Espresso’s owner Susan knew right away that something was wrong. It began with a slight swelling on his stifle, likely from a bug bite. But she had a bad feeling about it. As it turned out, Susan was right. Over the next few days he gradually grew more and more lame. The bug bite triggered cellulitis, a bacterial infection under the skin. The leg grew larger, and larger, and then even to the point where the skin could no longer stretch. It wasn't like a pocket of fluid that could be drained. It was more like an entire sponge of infection. He became more lame and feverish and developed laminitis, an inflammation in the hoof. Intravenous antibiotics were administered, but the circulation to the leg was so impaired the drugs were never able to reach the areas in peril. It was time to take him to the experts at the State Veterinary Hospital.
I watched on feeling helpless. But perhaps Espresso could do his part to fix the problem. Maybe he just needed to know WHAT he had to do. That leg could not continue to hold in all the infected fluid. As they were loading him into the trailer for the ride to the hospital, I tuned into him with an urgent message. “Espresso, you NEED to release the fluid from your leg. Open up your leg and get that poison out NOW! You will die if you don’t release it!” As I relayed this instruction over and over, I was visualizing the leg opening up and releasing its caustic contents.
When Espresso arrived at the vet school his leg bandage was soaked with pus and he was standing in a small pool of blood. Release it he had.
We were hopeful that the specialists could set Espresso on the road to recovery. But unfortunately this was not the end of his troubles. The infection and resulting lameness took its toll on him. His body became septic and he developed laminitis in the opposite hind leg, as a result of using it to support the majority of his weight in his hind end. Susan faithfully visited and tended to him every day. But the structures that supported the bones in his hind leg weakened and deteriorated to the point that the coffin bone was sliding downward toward, and eventually through the sole of his foot. His condition was extremely painful and, at this point, essentially unstoppable.
What could I do? I didn't know how to interrupt this fatal progression. There are no other structures that can provide the needed support and I just couldn't visualize the soft tissues repairing in time. I so badly wanted to fix this for Susan, but couldn’t. So on a warm sunny afternoon, with her friends around for support, Susan asked the veterinarians to apply a temporary block to the nerves in his leg. When he was pain free she led him to a spot in the yard with the most lush grass and let him graze, feet planted solidly on Mother Earth and sunshine warming his back. Then when he showed indications of the pain returning, her friends quietly stepped back into the clinic. The vets came out and euthanized Espresso. We watched from a distance as he gently sank to the ground and Susan sank with him. Then he left our world to return to another.
I guess I can’t save them all. And, after all, that isn't my job to change the course of lives. I have no business trying to influence the timing of life and death. I just want to alleviate suffering whenever possible.
As it turned out, Espresso wasn't meant to be saved. A few months after his passing Susan was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. She quickly deteriorated and passed away within a few weeks. She never could have died peacefully if worrying about the fate of the horse she left behind. Everything had unfolded according to Plan.